72Chero
12-27-2006, 02:17 PM
You may remember the old Catskill comics of
vaudeville days (Shecky Green, Red Buttons, Totie
Fields, Milton Berle, Henny Youngman, and others)?
You've probably heard of them before, but don't you
miss their humor? Not one single swear word in their
comedy.
* There was a beautiful young woman knocking on my
hotel room door all night! I finally had to let her
out.
* A car hit an elderly man. The paramedic
says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a
good living."
* I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my
mother-in-law to the airport.
* I've been in love with the same woman for 49
years. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!
* Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be
reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
* We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
* She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was
only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked
great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.
* The doctor gave a man six months to live.
The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him
another six months.
* The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying,
"Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen
answered, "So did my arthritis!"
* Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!" Patient:
"I AM 60!" Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?"
* A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's
chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?"
The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"
* Doctor says to a man, "You're pregnant!"
The man says, "How does a man get pregnant?"
The doctor says, "The usual way. A little
wine, a little dinner, you know?"
* Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears."
Doctor: "Don't answer!"
* A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge
says, "You've been brought here for drinking." The
drunk says "Okay, let's get started."
* A bum asked a fellow, "Give me $10
till payday." The fellow responded, "When's
payday?" The bum said, "I don't know! You're the one
that's working!"
* I wish my brother-in-law would learn a
trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
"You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing"
vaudeville days (Shecky Green, Red Buttons, Totie
Fields, Milton Berle, Henny Youngman, and others)?
You've probably heard of them before, but don't you
miss their humor? Not one single swear word in their
comedy.
* There was a beautiful young woman knocking on my
hotel room door all night! I finally had to let her
out.
* A car hit an elderly man. The paramedic
says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a
good living."
* I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my
mother-in-law to the airport.
* I've been in love with the same woman for 49
years. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!
* Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be
reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
* We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
* She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was
only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked
great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.
* The doctor gave a man six months to live.
The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him
another six months.
* The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying,
"Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen
answered, "So did my arthritis!"
* Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!" Patient:
"I AM 60!" Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?"
* A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's
chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?"
The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"
* Doctor says to a man, "You're pregnant!"
The man says, "How does a man get pregnant?"
The doctor says, "The usual way. A little
wine, a little dinner, you know?"
* Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears."
Doctor: "Don't answer!"
* A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge
says, "You've been brought here for drinking." The
drunk says "Okay, let's get started."
* A bum asked a fellow, "Give me $10
till payday." The fellow responded, "When's
payday?" The bum said, "I don't know! You're the one
that's working!"
* I wish my brother-in-law would learn a
trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
"You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing"